Coloma 2007!!!

Change was afoot this year in Coloma... and Placerville... and Davis (!) for that matter. After failing to reach Joel Fatherree (He's in Sacramento! He's dating Brianna! He likes her better than Brandis! He's got the hookup on Enterprise rental cars!) until it was too late, we turned to another former Kee Tov counselor who welcomed us with the kind of hospitality to which we've grown accustomed.

D.S.S.

Davis.

It was just D.O. and the twins that first night, which is probably good because those hoes (hitchhiking! Cady - check out that spelling - and Erika) could not have fit more than three in the backseat. And we really needed to get to Jack in the Box. Of course our appetites had been whetted by a few rounds at Froggy's (Beam on the house!) and some PBR with our host.

The next morning it was off to Old Hangtown, and time for some "What's in that truck?" where answers included "The Quadratic Equation," and "The hand that rocks the cradle." Placerville provided its usual charm (POW-MIA: Bring them home or Send us back!) but get this... there's a new parking ordinance, and the natives are not happy, and neither were we - until we got a couple of stiff drinks served up by Shelly at the Hangman's Tree.


Now the river called to us. Cold brass monkeys, a black 8 ball for just-arrived Jamie, and a new addition... a Mickey's 40 for the one and only Sam Marthinsen. After our beloved river time and a happy hour back at the camp site we made our way back to Marco's where we got some bad news - the only place in town that was open was the dreaded Yosum's, where we are still wanted dead or alive. Grant, the 25 year old owner of Marco's was kind enough to let us eat our pizza (Sam went in to get it) at his place, and made up for the lack of food by providing ten Coronas at a buck a pop.

At this point we were losing steam (and Jamie, to a "power nap"), so we walked to the Coloma Club for a second wind. Our time at this old west saloon was highlighted by a chance rendezvous with with the staff of Albany's own Club Mallard (!) and a Coloma Kool-Aid (Zach: "We're not gonna pay for it, but we'll tip you." Chris and his Betty Ford Clinic hat were fine with that). Trust us on the Coloma Kool-Aid - You'd be better off drinking a Jonestown Kool-Aid.

Back at Campsite N we wielded mighty blades (some more safely than others - don't worry D.O. still has both arms), built a towering inferno, and drank one last ill-advised pint of Johnnie Walker Black Label with a Cuban cigar.

Jamie passed out, Adam puked, Zach "lost reception" while talking to Sonja, called her back, then puked again. And that was the night.

Yours in savagery,

D.O., Adam, Zach, Jamie, and SAM!

Photos from the trip are here. Last year's story is here.

Coloma 2006!!!

Robert Frost once wrote, "Good fences make good neighbors...and I took the road less traveled by." We didn't abide by either of those sayings, having burned bridges, torn down walls, and traveled the same road all others pursuing gold had done before us. This is the story from the last two days. Let us take it from the top.

STOCKTON:

We rolled into town with one thing on our mind: Find Ramon Guerrero and let him feed us brain tacos from his truck of gold. Rumor has it that his tacos are made by the Virgin Mary. Turns out, though, that Mary gets Sundays off. We settled for the offerings of Taqueria San Felipe. Try the burrito. It's the second best in town.

With our bellies full, we were ready to take down a cooler of skippy, or, as Joel's buds call it, donkey juice. Soon after we headed to a party so Hoover could find girls "with low self-esteem and who make bad decisions." Joel, as always, welcomed us with open arms -- he's still with Brandeis, by the way -- and Jamie passed out next to a fence. Meanwhile, Vince used to say "hi." Now he's tatted and rides a plastic motorcycle.

OLD HANGTOWN:

Some things don't change, like playing "what's in that truck?" on the way to Placerville. Answers included "the color purple" and "two truths and a lie." Sticking to tradition, we feasted at the Buttercup Pantry and took full advantage of its clean restroom. Afterward, Jamie needed a hat, so we ventured in to the military surplus store, where, according to a flag on the wall, "our cause was just" in Vietnam. Disgusted, but in full need of a drink, we went for rounds at the Hangman's Tree. Maybe it was Labor Day, maybe it was Matt the barkeep, but we had some of the best treatment one can find this side of an Oriental massage parlor: top-shelf liquor in our extremely stiff wells, shots on the house and in our stomach. And like that we were off to Coloma: city of gold. City of dreams.

COLOMA:

The census is a funny thing. One year a population can be 175, the next it can triple in size. A simple count is all it takes. Welcome to Coloma, Pop. 485. Once over the population boom, we secured Site N at Camp Lotus, and grabbed our OE 40s and Sunny Delights and headed to the river. After a well-spent afternoon, Jamie and us went our separate ways (work came a callin'). We then headed to dinner, staying well away from Yosum's where we had, just a year before, poured gasoline and dropped 100 matches on the metaphorical bridge. (So we pissed all over the place and yelled at some people.) We also struck out at Marco's where we'd be rude not to congratulate the owners who welcomed Sarah Jane into the world on Sunday. She's a healthy 8 pounds, 2 ounces!

We then settled for a right-winged shithole called the River Shack where the food was cold and our hearts were colder. Luckily, the Coloma Club was across the way. They say everything's bigger in Texas, but Kim is a small, small man. He is a big, big drunk though and he bought us a pitcher. Chantelle (mashed potatoes) and Chris (free booze, free onion rings) took care of us, making the Coloma Club worthy of a return next year. Warning: The Coloma Kool-Aid ("the wickedest drink that goes down smooth," says the Bartender's Bible) will fuck you up worse than its Jonestown counterpart.

Yours in savagery,

Zach, D.O., Jamie, and Adam


P.S. For all the pictures go here. For pictures from last year go here.